How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World: A Handbook for Personal Liberty - Harry Browne by Harry Browne

Author:Harry Browne [Browne, Harry]
Language: spa
Format: epub
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

19

Freedom from

Marriage Problems

THE GREATEST RESTRICTIONS upon many people are those imposed by marriage and family problems.

Some are dominated by parents. Others are trapped by duties and obligations to relatives. And others are entangled in the problems of raising children.

The most common restrictions come from marriages. Conflicts of interest develop between husband and wife; each feels that he's getting less than he wants out of life, perhaps because of restrictions imposed upon him by the other.

There are probably no subjects as emotionally charged as those of marriage and family. The "sanctity of marriage" and the pressures of parents and in-laws are only two of the many cultural expectations involved in these subjects.

And labels seem to be applied more readily and restrictively here than elsewhere. A "wife" is expected to give up her career and her own interests on behalf of her husband and children. A "husband" must be a good provider. And a "son" is someone who's supposed to make his parents proud of him—by his parents' standards, of course.

The problem, as usual, is a type of trap—the acceptance of labels and cultural dogmas without recognizing that there are better alternatives available by which an individual can satisfy his desires.

Love, closeness, affection, family opportunities—all these things can be enjoyed without having to build elaborate, restrictive structures that destroy the independence of everyone concerned.

WHY PEOPLE GET MARRIED

Let's begin by noting the reasons why people get married. The most common reason, I suppose, is because they're in love. Labels can be very compelling, so it's assumed that once you're "in love" with someone, you should confirm it by getting married.

That isn't the only reason people get married, however. I couldn't possibly think of every motive for marriage, but here are a few of the well-known reasons:

1. To enhance a love relationship.

2. To confirm that one has "won" his lover—once and for all.

3. To achieve social respectability (such as to prove one's desirability or to satisfy one's desire to be known as the "head of a family").

4. To make sexual intercourse easily accessible.

5. To be financially supported.

6. To avoid loneliness.

7. To guarantee that someone will be around in one's old age.

8. To have children.

9. To escape the need to do something more challenging with one's life.

10. To have a housekeeper.

There are alternative ways to satisfy these objectives, but it's frequently assumed that the traditional marriage is the only way. So a license is obtained, a church is hired, some words are spoken, and vows are made.

The lovers assume they've made a contract with each other, but they haven't. They have obtained the permission of the government to be married and signed a contract with it. And the government has decided many of the terms of the relationship—financial arrangements (property laws), sexual rules (adultery laws), legal responsibilities, inheritance matters, etc.

If they ever decide to terminate the marriage, they will need the permission of the government—which may or may not be granted. Not only that, the conditions for termination may be different from what they were when they signed the contract.

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